Nursery Rhymes
by The Italian Peach
Summary: A collection of short fics based on the nursery rhymes we all know and love. Pairings and neutral.
1. Humpty Dumpty

New series I'm doing! There is no real point behind them, just a pointless bunch of Nursery Rhymes turned evil. If you want to call it that. They're all drabbles but not really drabbles, so don't go complaining about how short they are. 

I'm going to toss romance into all of them. Right now, there's only TATE (duh!). I plan on doing some GAbby and McAbby too. And of course I'll do neutrals.

Okie dokey. That's all for now. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own the nursery rhyme (who does BTW?) or NCIS.

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TATE

**Humpty Dumpty**

_Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall_

Tony was seated on a brick wall. A Navy Officer had been found dead at a local construction site, and Gibbs's team had been sent to investigate. The sun was high in the sky. There was no shade to be found, and it must have been at least 90 degrees. Tony glared evilly at Kate, in her nice free skirt and tank top. And here he was stuck in this stupid suit.

They were waiting for Ducky to arrive, but the van was caught in traffic. No surprise there. It was lunchtime, and everyone was eager to eat. Glancing around, Tony noticed that several construction workers were pulling out sandwiches and such. His stomach rumbled.

_Humpty Dumpty had a great fall_

A heavy hand landed on his shoulder.

"Hey pretty boy," growled a rough voice, "Move. You're in our lunch spot."

Tony turned around to see some unruly men glaring at him. He gave a nervous smile and was about to give a cocky comeback, when the one of them repeated, "Move."

The next thing Tony knew, he was lying on the ground, he cheek pressed against hot cement.

_All the King's horses and all the King's men  
__Couldn't put Humpty together again_

There was a fury of footsteps rushing toward him. Tony heard Gibbs yell at the men in a rather colorful language. Kate was the first one to reach him. She knelt down next to him and asked him if he was okay, passing her smooth, cold hands over his forehead for comfort. Tony felt his heart flutter and accelerate. The way she squatted gave him a nice view of her underpants. He didn't respond to her question.

It didn't take long for Kate to notice what Tony was looking at. She kicked him and stalked away, muttering about ungrateful men.

Tony was fixed up all right with nothing but bruises, but for some reason, his heart never healed properly. Every time he saw Kate, it started acting up again, even when he couldn't see her underwear. And then, he recognized his ailment.

He was in love with Kate Todd.

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Ok so it wasn't as funny as I planned it to be. Heck, it wasn't funny at all. BUT! I promise that the next chapter will be funny. Promise. 

Again: It's short. So what? The nursery rhyme was only four lines long. Complain and I shall hunt you down.

Which rhyme should I do next? Little Miss Muffet? Jack and Jill? Tell me your personal favorite and I'll write about it.

Review!


	2. Hey Diddle Diddle

_Hey Diddle Diddle_ is Nix707's favorite rhyme, and because she was the first to review, I did _Hey Diddle Diddle_ (also known as the the rhyme where the cow jumps over the moon.)

This one is neutral. No (obvious) shippiness! However, I guess if you read between the lines, you'll see something.

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**Hey Diddle Diddle**

_Hey, diddle, diddle,  
The cat and the fiddle,_

McGee was dressed as a cow.

That was the first thing everyone noticed as they stepped into Abby's lab. She had called and told them that she'd found a match on the DNA found at the crime scene. Gibbs wasn't so sure that she'd been working on the DNA at all.

Abby gave a little clap as when she saw them come in. "Kate! Tony! Gibbs! You came!" Turning around, she called to the back of the room, "Ducky! You can start playing now!" Fiddle music filled the lab.

"I didn't know Ducky played the fiddle," Tony whispered to Kate.

Abby was suddenly in front of them, handing out dishes of ice cream sundaes. "Oh no!" she cried, looking at what she held in her hands. "I've only got two spoons." She handed them to Kate and Gibbs. "Sorry Tony." She ran off to prepare for whatever she wanted them to see.

Tony stood with a gaping mouth staring at her retreating form. His eye twitched. Kate laughed and scooped up some ice cream, but gave a squeal as Tony tried to grab her spoon. He missed.

"Naughty boy," she scolded, wagging her finger at him. Poor Tony had no choice but to eat the ice cream with his hands.

_The cow jumped over the moon._

"Lady and gentlemen!" The three turned to look at Abby, who now stood in front of McGee the cow with a wheel of cheese. "I present to you, McGee the magic cow!"

Here, McGee gave a pathetic sounding "Moo…"

Tony choked on his ice cream.

Abby dropped the cheese on the ground and continued. "McGee is going to so something totally unheard of before. Are you ready?"

The audience nodded. Gibbs looked skeptical.

"You see this cheese McGee?" she asked, pointing to the ground.

McGee nodded.

"Good. It's very important to me, so I don't want you to step on it."

"Um, okay," he wasn't really sure where this conversation was going. Abby had paged him earlier that day and asked him to come down to her lab. He'd gone, and she stuffed him into the cow costume. If he did what she asked, she promised that she'd show him her tattoos. Looking at the cheese, McGee wasn't sure if it was such a great idea after all.

Without warning, Abby kicked his butt, sending him flying forward. McGee was just about to step on the cheese, but remembering Abby's warning, he managed to step over it.

Abby turned triumphantly to Kate, Tony, and Gibbs. "McGee the cow has successfully jumped over the moon!"

_The little dog laughed  
To see such sport,  
And the dish ran away with the spoon._

In the moments of hysterical laughter that followed, Tony managed to steal Kate's spoon.

**Fin**


	3. Little Miss Muffet

Both CSIMel and Karieflybaby requested Little Miss Muffet, so here it is!

PARINGS: MCABBY/TATE

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.

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_Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet, _

Abby was in her lab. The rest of her team was out on a crime scene, and she had been left alone. God, she really hated days like this. No Kate to talk to, no Caf-Pow! from Gibbs, and worse of all, no McGee to tease.

Sighing, Abby fetched her farting elephant stuffed animal and flopped onto a chair. She was hungry. A longing for cheese and crackers rose in her tummy, and she was more than happy to oblige.

_Eating her curds and whey_

The snack room fridge was stockpiled with cans of soda, diet shakes, salad, and someone's old sandwich. Pushing a couple of things aside, Abby found a nice sized container of cream cheese. Licking her lips hungrily, she popped the lid and sniffed the aroma coming out.

Bending down to look for crackers, Abby's keen eyes spotted something else: a bag of freshly toasted bagels that were just begging for her attention.

Grabbing the bag, Abby walked quickly back to her lab, where she flipped on some loud music and settled down to eat. Taking a plastic knife, she smeared fluffy cream cheese over the still warm bagel.

Practically drooling now, Abby got up to fetch some milk from her personal fridge, which was usually filled with Caf-Pow, but now stood empty. Alas, when she came back, her bagel, her cheese, and her purloined bag of bagels, were all gone.

_Along came a spider, who sat down beside her_

Sighing, Abby set her milk on her desk and peered underneath it. "You can come out now, McGee."

Timothy McGee was scrunched under the table with the bagel supplies. Abby was not pleased to see that her prepared bagel had several bites out of it.

Straightening from his hiding place, McGee gave Abby a nervous smile. She smiled coyly back and snatched the bagel.

"I thought you were doing field work," Abby said as she ripped off a chunk.

McGee shrugged. "Gibbs sent me back. Said the crime scene was small enough for Kate and Tony to manage alone. He was worried that you were lonely."

Abby grinned. "Oh, that is _so_ sweet!"

McGee arched his eyebrows and pulled up a chair. "Can I have one?" he asked, motioning to the bagels. Abby tossed him the bag.

"Help yourself."

There were a few moments of silence between the two, with only the loud blaring music to stop the crickets from coming. Finally, McGee broke the silence and helped himself to Abby's glass of milk.

"I think something's up with Kate and Tony."

"Really?"

"At the scene today, they seemed to be more…" He struggled for words. "More sexually charged with each other."

Abby snorted and squeezed her elephant toy. McGee startled at the sound it made. "If you ask me, I'd say that they were both treated to great sex last night."

"Well that's just coincidence then. I mean, both of them? On the same night?"

Abby shook her head. McGee could be so naive some times. "Probie, Probie, Probie," she scolded, using Tony's pet name for him, "I meant that they treated _each other_ to great sex last night. You know, like what we did last week?"

McGee almost fell out of his chair. Straightening, he argued, "But Kate and Tony? It seems so-" He suddenly froze, his mouth half open.

Abby frowned. "What?"

_And frightened Miss Muffet away._

In a soft voice, McGee whispered, "Don't be scared, but there is a HUGE spider behind you."

Abby swung around. Sure enough, a hairy tarantula was crawling its way toward the two. McGee swallowed visibly and closed his mouth. "Don't worry. I won't let it hurt you."

Abby didn't hear him. Giving a squeal, she launched herself at the spider and picked it up.

"Fluffy Pooh! There you are. I've been looking all over the place for you!"

There was a dull _thunk _as McGee fainted behind her.

**Fin

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**

So who was Miss Muffet? I'm not really sure. The roles kinda changed around a lot. First Miss Muffet was Abby, but at the end she became McGee, who was originally the spider. Hmm...

**Theoretical**: Baa baa black sheep is next on my list of stuff to write.

**CSIMel**: I just had a wonderful idea for Itsy Bitsy Spider, and I'm so going to go ahead and write it after I'm done with Baa Baa Black Sheep.

Don't forget to request rhymes!


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